25 replies to this topic

[keziopia]

of course i cant make him do anything he wouldn't want to do,
how ever DP has never been interested in getting it done- and after a Hamish and Andy segment about it yesterday he is more against it than ever.

He does not want any more kids- and i agree, were just having trouble reaching a long term contraception solution (hence 3 kids in 4 years)

Would it help if we went to the GP and talked about it together, or should i drop the issue? (perhaps until he is sleep deprived with a newborn lol)

any experience and advice would be greatly appreciated
Also, if your DP wouldnt get the snip then what did you do?

[Vandily]

DP organised it himself within 2 months of DSs birth. He really doesn't want more kids and after i've been on the pill for year and years he wants me to be able to be chemical free. For the sex drive i think

Going to the gp together to discuss your options and affects is the best bet. Have you thought about a mirena until you can convince him?

[keziopia]

Vandily, on 29 April 2010 - 05:12 PM, said:

DP organised it himself within 2 months of DSs birth. He really doesn't want more kids and after i've been on the pill for year and years he wants me to be able to be chemical free. For the sex drive i think

Going to the gp together to discuss your options and affects is the best bet. Have you thought about a mirena until you can convince him?

that is really considerate of your DP,

My OB wanted me to get the Mirena after DS2- but i didnt feel comfortable about it being so invasive and also the hormones. From my research the copper IUD is the only contraception with out hormones (other than condoms of course) but my OB was not into it- he preferred the Marina.

[mumof3+?]

My DH had said for years he would get the snip, and just never did it. I had the Mirena, and it sent me loopy!! I had to get it out, and then I convinced him into just one more . I told him he'd better go and get the snip, or in another 2 years I might convince him into just one more I'm now on pregnancy #4 and he only ever wanted one, so I've done pretty well with 'the just one more'.

He realised it was safer for him to have the snip. So, he is now done, so once bubs is here I don't have to worry about contraception. I would never remember to take the mini pill at the same time everyday, Mirena not an option. Only other option for us would be condoms, and well #3 came because we were 'using' condoms!!

Probably doesn't help you to convince your hubby, but besides you putting something in you or using condoms, the only long term thing is for him to have the chop.

[Ayla]

He is happy to do it. 2 kids is a good number for us.
He knows I can't do pregnancy again and I will never take any form of contraception again, so its up to him.
We are booking it in for next month very shortly.

[gizmoisastar]

My DH is all for having it done so i have no issues, i think its wrong for a guy not to have it done if both agree no more babies. Us women carry a baby for 9 months give birth although yet its rewarding it a much bigger op for a women, thats just my opinion i would book him in and send him off but thats just me

[mumof3+?]

Totally agree with gizmoisastar .. much easier operation for them! 20 mins and they are done!! DH was sore the next day, but 4 days later he was going on rides at Dreamworld.

[Fee]

I totally respect your opinion but i really don't like people 'convincing' their partner to have the snip.

I have 2 friends who 'made' their hubby get the snip, 1 couple is now divorced and he wants more children but never can (they totally f'd up his proceedure) and now she is making plans to have a baby with her new BF.

The other couple have 3 children, they both agree they don't want anymore but she says he HAS TO have the proceedure because she had the babies! Like they had any other choice? Plus she has had all her kids via c/s so could've easily had it done at the time, he doesn't see why she could do the tubes since they were in there anyway so they are still debating over this and its a very sore point in their marriage.

I just wanted to clarify why i think its awful to 'convince' someone to end their fertility if they don't want to willing do it.

Anyways, for me it was simple.

I have 4 children, 2 of them are 'biologically' DP's. I can't/won't put my body through any more pregnancies and i NEVER no matter what want any more children, however if i got hit by a bus tomorrow and DP remarried i can see that he may want more children in the future. I chose to have my tubes done, mainly for this reason and also because all my babies were via c/s and it was easy to get it done at the same time rather than put DP through that.

I don't think that it is something that anyone should do unless they want to do it themselves without any persuasion.

[kimroseaus]

keziopia, on 29 April 2010 - 05:06 PM, said:

of course i cant make him do anything he wouldn't want to do,
how ever DP has never been interested in getting it done- and after a Hamish and Andy segment about it yesterday he is more against it than ever.

He does not want any more kids- and i agree, were just having trouble reaching a long term contraception solution (hence 3 kids in 4 years)

Would it help if we went to the GP and talked about it together, or should i drop the issue? (perhaps until he is sleep deprived with a newborn lol)

any experience and advice would be greatly appreciated
Also, if your DP wouldnt get the snip then what did you do?

Oh we are sssooo in similar situations .... I can't wait to read all the feedback in your thread. thanks so much for starting it I'm going to steal all the ideas, xxx

[MissEdumacated]

We have 3 kids and no willpower lol.

Basically we decided it had to be done, and for me its classed as a major operation and I would be bed bound for 2-6 weeks, plus the fatalities/side effects etc were a lot higher.

For him, its a simple vists and they can go to work the next day. That simplified it lol.

He had it done, and he has previous scar tissue from another personal operation, so it was a bit harder for him than it would be for an ordinary person, but some blue balls for a couple of days and tight undies (ugh to undies lol) was the total of it.

[Fee]

MaidOfMany, on 29 April 2010 - 05:52 PM, said:

for me its classed as a major operation and I would be bed bound for 2-6 weeks, plus the fatalities/side effects etc were a lot higher.
For him, its a simple vists and they can go to work the next day. That simplified it lol.

Just wanted to say i do understand this reasoning before anyone bites my head off lol

[fairystar]

DH wanted to go get it done after number 3 but never got around to it and we now have number 4 lol
he keeps saying he is going to get it done so no more suprises but hasnt yet, i wont take any pills or any other chemical crap so we use condoms and i will not go and have a huge op as i dont want to have it done and i dont have time with 4 to be off my feet.
so if he wants it done he can go get it done.
I wouldnt ever try to convince him, its his body, his choice.

Edited by fairystar267, 29 April 2010 - 06:16 PM.

[Titania]

Quote

"Plus she has had all her kids via c/s so could've easily had it done at the time, he doesn't see why she could do the tubes since they were in there anyway so they are still debating over this and its a very sore point in their marriage."

I only want to comment on this point. Yes this seems a reasonable, rational way to go about it - but it's not always so simple. I was considering having my tubes done when my last DS was delivered (I was kind of aiming for a VBAC, but didn't quite get there) - as we had definitely decided two is enough. But I did a lot of research into it - and there does seem to be a lot of evidence implying that TL can really screw up your hormones, and hormones are screwed up enough after having a baby - let alone adding to it the 'I'll never be able to have another baby again' factor. BUT, my underlying issue was "what if something happens to the baby, and I've already had my tubes tied." At that point, there was no reason especially to expect there being something wrong with the baby - other than that DS1 had TTN (transient tachypnoea - rapid breathing) and was in special care for 36 hours. However, DS2 also turned blue soon after birth (at 39 weeks and 3.34 kgs) - and nearly died. They misdiagnosed him as TTN, when in fact he had HMD (Hyaline Membrane Disease - premature lungs) - and ended up in NICU for a couple of weeks. I was SO glad that we didn't do my tubes -and I just don't believe it's worth the stress and risk to do it during a CS...
Just another side to the picture

[fairystar]

My uncle is from cornwall uk and i know when he was going to get it done after their 2nd child the doctor told him they wouldnt do it within a certain time line after the baby was born due to the fact if anything happened to the baby they may want more, I could understand this although nothing can replace my kids and i would never want it to , but to be unable to have anymore I just couldnt deal with it.

[keziopia]

Fee, on 29 April 2010 - 05:39 PM, said:

I don't think that it is something that anyone should do unless they want to do it themselves without any persuasion.

Thanks hun, i totally get where your coming from. and to be honest there is no way i could force him to do it, or would want to.

i guess i should have worded it better, its more that i want him to open up to the idea- he doesnt know enough about it, but doesnt want to research.
then we can both reach an informed decission.

Im 24 so i still have a lot of child bearing years left in me- and if we keep going the way we are we will have 6 by 30 lol.

[4Cherubs]

He wanted it. 4 is enough for us plus it is a 'simplier' procedure for him than me & what I've heard of other womans TL, I was a hell no.

Is he prepared for an 'accident' if one was to happen?? Best of luck, I'm so grateful my Dh got done & I don't have to take the pill every day.

ETA. Dh doesn't want anymore children with me or anyone else. He got done when Kane was 4months old.

Edited by 4Cherubs, 29 April 2010 - 06:38 PM.

[LeeJ]

keziopia, on 29 April 2010 - 06:22 PM, said:

Fee, on 29 April 2010 - 05:39 PM, said:

I don't think that it is something that anyone should do unless they want to do it themselves without any persuasion.

Thanks hun, i totally get where your coming from. and to be honest there is no way i could force him to do it, or would want to.

i guess i should have worded it better, its more that i want him to open up to the idea- he doesnt know enough about it, but doesnt want to research.
then we can both reach an informed decission.

Im 24 so i still have a lot of child bearing years left in me- and if we keep going the way we are we will have 6 by 30 lol.

bahaha!

I think we will go down this road in years to come too. We are thinking 2 kids, maybe 3, but when we are 'finished' I do want dh to get hte snip, the hormones do funny things to me, so i dont want to be on contraception

he is 7 years my senior though, so i think by the time we are definatley finished he will be 40 odd, so might be more open to it then?! maybe? LOL

[Fee]

Titania, thanks for sharing your story, I definately get what you mean.

I had a bit of a freak out 'what if something happens to the baby' when i was pg with #4. I spoke to my OB and said, if (god forbid) the baby is still born, can i change my mind then and there?

He was very rational about it and said well technically yes you can BUT I have to tell you that if you think that you would do that then i'd be reluctant to perform the surgery anyway because it tells me that you are not quite ready to be sterile.

STERILE!!!! Shit! What a crap word!!

So then he said, have a think about it and if you still want to go ahead with it i'll get you to sign the forms for your STERILISATION next visit.

I thought about it the whole way home, cried my eyes out all the way home, all night that night, i guess in a way i was grieving for my fertility although i hadn't actually lost it yet.

I was upset that this would be the last time i was pg but i knew my body couldn't cope with another pregnancy.
I was upset that i would NEVER have a chance to have another baby but i knew that i wouldnt cope with more that 4 kids!
I was scared that i would loose my baby and not be able to every have another one but i knew that i only ever wanted 4 and to 'try again' seemed like i'd be robbing her of being #4 just because she could stay with us. (if that makes sense?)
I was also upset that while my dearest friend in the whole world is struggling to TTC #1 here i am voluntarily giving up my fertility, why couldn't i give it to her?


I did go through a 'process' before getting it done but I am definately very happy with my decision, i think that's where you have to be before you can get it done. man or woman.

xx

[Jenn]

No idea but good luck with it all!!

Why not try to copper IUD and see how you go with that? I was going to get one in last year(but didn't have enough time pre-holiday), and will sometime soon when my med's etc settle down. I've known heaps of people who have had or have it and think it's fab.

I hate to think of permanent things because you just never know where you'll be in the future.

[Indies_mum]

I have the opposite issue at the moment. My dh really really want's to get a vasectomy and i just don't feel ready to let him do it im 27 he is 33 and i feel more and more everyday that i think i may want a 3rd. He really doesn't want anymore kids (though i know if i felt so strong about a third he would) and his compromise is that he is happy to get sperm stored just incase..........i'm just not sure

[life-is-beautiful]

MaidOfMany, on 29 April 2010 - 05:52 PM, said:

We have 3 kids and no willpower lol.

Basically we decided it had to be done, and for me its classed as a major operation and I would be bed bound for 2-6 weeks, plus the fatalities/side effects etc were a lot higher.

For him, its a simple vists and they can go to work the next day. That simplified it lol.

He had it done, and he has previous scar tissue from another personal operation, so it was a bit harder for him than it would be for an ordinary person, but some blue balls for a couple of days and tight undies (ugh to undies lol) was the total of it.

So true we were the same it had to be done otherwise we would be like the Duggers and be expecting baby number 19

Indies_mum, on 29 April 2010 - 07:49 PM, said:

I have the opposite issue at the moment. My dh really really want's to get a vasectomy and i just don't feel ready to let him do it im 27 he is 33 and i feel more and more everyday that i think i may want a 3rd. He really doesn't want anymore kids (though i know if i felt so strong about a third he would) and his compromise is that he is happy to get sperm stored just incase..........i'm just not sure

I was the same and still feel the same i would have loved a 4th but being together is more important at the end of the day.

DF decied he would have it done it was easier for him, even when i had to have surgery a few weeks before his surgery i could have had my tubes tied but decied against it due to possible side effects.

DF first snip was a failure and next week will will find out if the second one was, fingers crossed it worked this time

[kimroseaus]

My DH has been saying only 2 kids for years....and here we are pregnant with number 3!! I've been saying 3, c'mon one more, maybe not, oh yes maybe one more, etc etc. So anyway here we are pregnant and he is saying - right thats it 3 is all we are having. Then when I say well off you go and get the chop he says - no bloody way.

Ok so he doesn't want any more kids (he's 41), I really don't mind how many we have. I'm concerned that he is putting all the contraception responsibility onto me. I've been on the pill since I was 15 (went off it 4 years ago) ...thats a lot of years remembering to take drugs at the same time every day!!

I really don't think this is about planning for our separation and having kids with another partner, its about what will work and be easiest for us for the next 10 years? or so that we MIGHT still fall pregnant. Also it would mean an operation for me and a week or so of recovery and not being able to look after our soon to be 3 kids.

Also he hasn't got much info about it and hasn't asked at the Dr about it, his younger brother and a few mates have had it done and they are all still living and having sex. So not sure why he is so against it and of course the wall goes up whenever I try to bring it up......where to from here?????????????????????

[keziopia]

well it sounds like when the time is right the guys go and do it them self's.

I think in the mean time i will start chatting with my OB about some long term contraception so i have my self covered.

[Nomadic]

Just make sure you're either way... My sis and her hubby had 3 kids by the time they were 23, her DH had to go through some counselling to get it done since they were young. They were adament they had enough (and all 3 were conceived while she was on the pill so nothing really worked for them). Roll on 6 years, all their friends are having babies, they're at a different place in their life. He had it reversed and it failed. 3 and a bit years later they are both still dealing with the fact they'll never have any more. My sister does her best to convince everyone that it's better as they're youngest is now 11, but if she fell pregnant tomorrow I know she'd feel that little bit more complete.

This one will be number 5 for DH, number 2 for me, that's enough for us. He has said he'll go and get it done, if he doesn't well, I guess we'll see when number 6 arrives. I can't take the pill without becoming a complete pyscho and both of us hate condoms. Maybe ask some of your friends and find out if any of their husband's have had it done and could have a chat to him? I think if it weren't for the baby at the end bit I'd be pretty freaked about someone playing with my bits.

Edited by Nomadic, 29 April 2010 - 11:42 PM.